33 (and a half, but whose counting?) weeks pregnant

I am updating you on my pregnancy...it seems a little more prevalent in my mind the closer Eli is to being born.

I am getting and feeling super huge, which, according to Kenny, is just fine because I am cooking a baby and I am supposed to look pregnant at this point. Which is true, so I am not going to apologize for my hugeness, only state the obvious, because...well...this is my update and that is one of things I am choosing to update you on :)

I am very tired all of the time. Is it bad that I count grocery shopping as my exercise for the day? Bad or not, I do count it, because it feels like a workout to me. I am still fairly active at this point. I think by this time with Shiloh's pregnancy I had pretty much given up. I remember sitting down on the floor of the grocery store while Kenny walked down the aisle. Wow! Can we say lazy? Or, maybe, I am just more in shape this time around than I was then and in a totally different mind frame.

I still crave beef and chocolate and pizza, but we can add to the mix toast with honey butter. Weird! I have had to resort to my five year old mentality and do a sticker chart in which I am only allowed 2 desserts a week. I get to put a sticker on for every day that I don't have a dessert. You think I am joking about that, but I am not at all joking. I literally have a sticker chart, and it helps. Who knew that sticker charts were so motivating for me? Oh the possibilities of things that I could achieve. Too bad it has taken me 27 years to figure it out.

Eli moves all over the place. He gets the hiccups quite often. He starts moving around when Shiloh is close and jabbering loudly. Currently he is sitting quite low, which is good and bad. Good because it means he getting ready slowly, bad because it means I have way less of a bladder capacity than I should, even at this point.

In some ways, I am feeling more ready for Eli to come. Even just a few weeks ago, I was saying to people that I thought Eli could stay in there for a little more time because I wasn't feeling prepared. I can't say that I will ever feel prepared, but I am ready to meet him when he decides to come, not too early though. I am also ready to give my husband a real hug instead of just laying my head on his shoulder or chest, do a belly flop on the bed, not have charlie horses in my butt all night long, and I am really ready to be able to hold Shiloh in unawkward positions so that I can hug him like a normal mommy does and play around on the ground and let him climb on me. I have missed all of those things tremendously. I guess you have to get to this point in order to be ready for the actual process of getting your little baby here. The rest is just waiting out the weeks in more and more discomfort until they decide to come.

I still don't have any stretch marks on my belly. This is a good thing to me. I also still have a belly button. I do think though, that it will disappear before Eli makes his debut. I am not too swollen, only if I am on my feet too much in a day and then they get a bit puffy. My maternity shirts are truly on their last leg when it comes to covering my ever protruding belly. I have been wearing dresses a lot. They cover everything and they are comfy. I do have to say that the maternity bad on my pants are way worse here in Missouri because of the hot humidity. For the most part I don't mind the heat or the humidity, but it makes my belly itchy.

I still haven't gained any more weight since the last I posted, but my midwife isn't concerned. I do eat and my stomach is growing normally and so is Eli. I did have a bit of extra padding when I got pregnant, so that also contributes to the lack of concern. Hopefully I will continue to gain healthy amounts of weight and I will be able to stay healthy after I have Eli.

Well this was definitely a long winded update, especially for having updated you just two weeks ago. Things just seem to be changing and I felt the need. :)

Brothers.....

I have had a few moments in this pregnancy that have stood out to me.  These moments include Shiloh.  

Shiloh and I are grocery shopping.  I am about 27 weeks along at this point.  Shiloh is getting antsy and I have to take him out of the cart.  Shiloh starts sticking his knee into my protruding belly.

Ouch!

Before I can push his knee out of the way, Eli does it for me.  Then, Shiloh, feeling the small nudge, digs his knees in deeper, and Eli in return pushes right back.  I put Shiloh in the cart and hope this episode isn't an omen of things to come.  Fighting....

I am sitting on the floor trying to read Shiloh a book that he has brought me.  He gets distracted by my belly, as if he has noticed how different it is for the first time.  As he looks I recite to him what I recite to him all of the time, "Baby brother Eli is in mommy's tummy."  Then I pat my stomach softly.  I think he is a bit young to really understand, but, nonetheless, I say it anyway, just in case something penetrates.

Shiloh pats my stomach too and then says, "AAAAWWW!"  It makes my heart melt.  Kindness....

It is the end of the day.  My clothes are too tight on my belly and my belly itches.  I lower the maternity band on my pants, and lift my shirt a little over my belly.  I am just sitting in the front room of my house.  

Shiloh is playing on the floor with his trucks and Doggie.  Shiloh looks over.  He gets bug eyed.  I feel a little awkward so I pull my shirt down over the belly.  He walks over. He won 't stop trying to lift up my shirt to get a better look.  He is relentless about it.  Curiosity and Teasing.....

Last night, I am talking to Eli while I sit on the couch.  Shiloh is playing and reading.  He comes up to me and starts patting my belly.  I recite to him again, "Baby brother Eli is in mommy's tummy." and pat my tummy.  He looks at me a bit quizzically.  Then, he pats my belly like he has been doing for the past few weeks.

Shiloh then wants up into my lap.  I heave him up, trying not to get kneed or head butted in the belly. Shiloh leans over after being situated on my lap.  He hugs my belly.  Then he does something even sweeter.  He gives my belly kisses, with actually smoochy sounds, then he gives my belly an eskimo kiss, with his cute little nose.  Love.....

Sometimes I underestimate how much Shiloh understands about what is going on inside of me.  He is young. He doesn't have much of a vocabulary, but he clearly understands something.  It seems to me that even before little Eli is born, he and Shiloh have already become brothers.  They fight, they tease, they love and they are kind to one another.  It is crazy to think that in a few short weeks that they will be getting to know one another for real, but it seems that it will be an awesome thing to see them grow up together, even despite all of the fighting and teasing that I am sure will take place, considering some of it has already started.  Maybe there won't be a whole lot of getting to know each other.  They seem to already be acting like brothers.

The evolution of me

I have been thinking a lot about the past three years or so. For some reason I can't seem to stop thinking about it. It has been a whirlwind to say the least.

Three or more years ago, I was doing hair at an upscale salon. Clients meant a lot to me. Being praised and good at what I did meant a lot to me. I worked. Kenny and I played a lot too. We would go on a trip when we wanted. Hang out in our Pjs on a Saturday and just chill out. I would sleep in whenever I got the chance. I did a lot of what I wanted, when I wanted. It was fun and had its necessary teaching moments.

There was also a lot of heart ache over the loss of pregnancies. There was a lot of sorrow for not being a mom yet. Sometimes it consumed me.

Then I got pregnant for real. I complained and worried A LOT!

I started thinking about spirituality and trying to teach those things to my unborn child. I focused more on the spiritual aspects of life more than I ever had before.

I had Shiloh. I was now a mom. I didn't sleep much. My hair was never done. I rarely got dressed, but I felt accomplished everyday, and a little frustrated everyday too.

Shiloh got older. I got a bit wiser. I relied on the Lord more for help each day. I needed to conquer(and still do) frustrations and such, so that my child would feel love.

We moved to Missouri. I felt alone. I turned to the Lord for help. I learned to love the moments alone with Shiloh. I forgot about doing my hair most days. Instead, I thought about naps and feeding a little guy. I thought about playdates and diapers and what to make for dinner.

I got pregnant again. I was terrified. How could I take care of two so close in age? How could I take care of Shiloh while being sick, or while being so big? Again, I prayed a lot. I received strength when I asked for it.

I guess the conclusion that I have come to, while thinking all about the past few years, is that I have evolved. If you compare the person I am this very minute, to the person that I was back then, I am not at all the same. There is the essence of the same person, but we really are not that similar. I wasn't a bad person back then, but I am glad I am not there.

I am thankful for the opportunities the Lord gives us to change, to become better. Some of my experiences were challenging. Some of them dealt with becoming a mother, some of them dealt with not being able to be a mother yet, some of them had nothing to do with being a mother, but more with learning how to be an individual who relied on the Lord instead of other people. Some of these experiences were wonderful and happy and still taught me so much. Not all were challenging, which is a blessing too.

I am also very thankful that I still have the opportunity to evolve more. I know the coming months will bring more "evolution" than I can comprehend. Some of it will be challenging. Some of it will be joyful. I am most thankful to understand, though, that when I look back, I will see the Lord's hand in it all, that I will be a better version of me. I have faith in that fact. I couldn't be more thankful for the process, however challenging it may be, it is necessary and wonderful.

So I don't do my hair everyday. So I change diapers all day long. Those things don't define me. The things that define me are what I have learned and how my heart has changed. I hope to be a better student of the Lord's. I hope to understand His will for me better. Most of all, I hope that I am able to be the kind of person that I want my children to be.

Big News...well for a mom of a 1 year old

We got Shiloh a toddler bed a few weeks ago.

It has been sitting in the room for about as long, just letting Shiloh get used to it, letting him climb around on it and really letting him feel as though it is not so new and weird to have it there.

3 nights ago we decided to give it a try.

We did the normal bedtime routine; first bath, then we put him in his jimjams, then songs and prayer. We did all of this in the new room, with the new bed in sight.

Kenny and I decided, before putting him to bed that night, that we knew Shiloh was a little young for a toddler bed, and that we wouldn't just lock the door and make him scream it out. We would just try putting him down in it to see what the reaction was, and if it wasn't working out we would move him to him to his crib.

At first, things seemed to be going well. He wasn't crying, but he wasn't asleep either. He was talking to Doggie. We could tell when we left him he was a bit confused. Then, about 20 minutes later he started whimpering. Not screaming or really out of control, but a tired whimper. He did this for 25 to 30 minutes. Maybe he would whimper himself to sleep. Then he was silent for about a minute. We thought we had done it.

Oh the naivete!

Then we heard him get out of bed with a THUD! Then lots of crying. We decided that it was time to go and rescue him. The poor little guy was crumpled on the floor on top of Doggie, Blankie, and a tractor book, just bawling his eyes out.

We took him to his crib. He cried some more. We went in to make sure all was ok. He was fine. We sang him a song and then put him down one last time. He still cried himself to sleep. He was very put off by the change up in routine, apparently.

He woke every hour and a half or so, crying and then going back to sleep for the whole rest of the night, then decided to start the next day off at 5:30 a.m.

I kept thinking that maybe we were doing this wrong. Maybe we should just bite the bullet and buy another crib so that we didn't have to start the sleepless nights early. I still have two months before I am supposed to be waking up with a new born, people, come on now.

Apparently, gluttons for punishment, we decided the next night to try out the bed again. Oh yes, I was worried to have a repeat, or something much, much worse.

Although, I had noticed that during the day, Shiloh wasn't afraid of the room or anxious about it at all. In fact, I noticed the exact opposite. He was more intrigued by the room than ever. He experimented climbing up and down the bed. He walked around the room. He kept putting Doggie in bed. This is why we decided to try it again. We also took some extra precaution with the whole falling out of bed scenario. We had an extra crib mattress. We slid it half way under the bed. There was an extra buffer of softness now, plus it made a great step up into bed.

A lot more weary about the bed time process, we slowly did "the routine" and then laid Shiloh down in bed. He seemed sleepy and he didn't cry right off of the bat so we walked away and shut the door behind us.

We waited.... a small whimper.... we waited some more....nothing.

We start doing dishes and other such chores that only get done at bed time when the kiddo is asleep. Still no noise, not even a peep is coming from the room. Kenny and I sat down to make a plan. You always need a plan for these things. He had now been sleeping in his room for roughly an hour and a half.

Our plan: when Shiloh wakes up crying we take him to his crib, then we just experiment each night with putting him down in the toddler bed, and hopefully he stays there longer and longer each night until he is transitioned all of the way over.

It seemed like a great plan to us. We went to bed that night. I had some unrestful sleep. I was sure that at any minute we would hear him start to cry and we would have to get him out of bed. I finally fell asleep for real, and awoke to Kenny's alarm clock. I lean over in a frantic sort of way and ask , "Did I sleep through you moving Shiloh to his crib last night?!"

There was no way that he hadn't woke up at all, right?

Kenny assured me several times that he hadn't moved him and that he hadn't heard Shiloh all night long. We waited for about a half an hour, and Shiloh started talking as he usually does when he wakes up. We go in. He is laying in his bed talking to Doggie.

Miracle of miracles! He did it! But what about the plan? Do we just keep him in there at night? Do I move naps to the new bed now too? I really hadn't anticipated this scenario at all. I decided that it might be too hard to go back and forth between the crib during the day and bed at night, so I might as well try naps in the toddler bed too. It was and all or nothing sort of approach, and slightly risky, but I could always switch him over to the crib if he was having a hard time, right?

Nap #1 and nap #2 were a complete success.

Last night also was successful. This is big news! He is doing it. I couldn't be more thankful, or more in shock about it really.

I know that he could relapse at any moment. I know that maybe when he figures out how to bang on the door and get our attention, we maybe wallowing in self pity again, but for now, I choose to be very happy about it.

'Til the Cows Come Home (A very belated post)

Our next door neighbors are cows.... I mean literally, there are about four of them.

One of our Kitchen windows overlooks the cow pasture next door. Shiloh spends significant amounts of time there looking at the cows. He moos at them. He points at them and taps at the window over and over again.

He makes me come and look at them.

He feels sheer joy at the sight of them.

Then if they stay in place long enough, he makes daddy walk him outside and over to the fence to see them. It is adorable and pretty much a daily ritual at the Williams' home.

I love living in the country. I also love that our next door neighbors are cows. They are great at being quiet when my kid is asleep. They never tell us that our lawn is too long or to park our car somewhere different. Most of the time I don't notice them at all, except for when my kid is being completely entertained by them. Couldn't ask for a better next door neighbors, really.

Cluck like a chicken...or "bock" at your chicken? No vegetarians here.

Shiloh is in a really fun stage. He is starting to grasp that things have names, that some of these things make noises, or that certain noises go with certain names. It is amazing and fun to see his mind start grasping things and learning so rapidly. It is also sometimes hilarious.

We went out to dinner on Saturday night. We don't go out very often, but we were feeling a "lets get out of the house" moment. Applebee's was having some sort of special, so being the cheap family that we are, we decided that we would go there.

Kenny and I both ordered Entrees that had chicken. Now, I am sure that you can see right where this is going, but I will elaborate anyway. We are cutting up different things for Shiloh to eat: noodles, shrimp, potatoes, carrots, chicken. You get the picture.

One of us says to Shiloh, "Eat your chicken, buddy."

To which he responds, "Bock, bock, bock." in his best impersonation of me doing a chicken sound.

We giggle. We think this is pretty funny. It gets better. He realizes which food is chicken. Every time he picks up his chicken pieces to eat them, he decides to "bock" like a chicken. He had us laughing ridiculously hard.

That's right folks, he makes the sound effects of his food, and it doesn't bother him one bit. Definitely not a vegetarian on our hands. I had to write this story down. It makes me smile every time I think of it. :) Gotta love the mind of a 1 year old. I know I do.

Grannie and Pops came to visit

So.... Uh... hmmmmm....

I am very behind on blogging. I took a bit of a break from blogging. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I was feeling overwhelmed with how much I have to catch up on.

But, alas, I have now come to terms with the fact that if I don't get this done really soon, I will be very behind because I will have another baby to blog about, and I don't want to miss posting about all of the memories that we have had recently.

Kenny's parents came to town. it was really fun to have them. They were the first visitors to come to our new house. My parents had come, but we were still in our apartment then. It was so much fun to show them around the area. I love showing people why we love it here. I think most of our friends and family still can't comprehend the move, but when we get them out here, they can see why we are so happy.

I unfortunately did not take a lot of pictures, but we did a lot of fun things. We went to museums and on lots of outdoor excursions. Some of the outdoor excursions happened right here on our property. We have about 2 acres of cleared land, but then we have about 2.5 acres of woods, with a trail running all of the way through it. We went fro little adventures. Kenny showed his parents the stream that we found running through the woods, a little off of the beaten path. We looked for wild blackberry plants, which we found in abundance in our backyard. Yay for berries! We just played outside a lot. It was great.

The last couple of days of their trip we went to St. Louis. Ken and i were able to go to the temple. it was beautiful and so nice that we didn't have to worry about a babysitter for Shiloh. We went swimming. Then we went to the zoo. Did you know that the zoo in St. Louis is free? And it isn't a lame zoo AT ALL! It was fantastic. Parking was $10, but for five people to park at the zoo, I would have to say that we got in for a steal of a deal. Most of my pics are from the zoo, so I will unload a few of them on you right here.

So, Second in Shiloh's loves in life are birds. First and always first, are tractors, but then there comes birds as a close second. He make bird noises. He can here them when most of us aren't even listening for them. Luckily we have lots of birds around. The above pic is of him walking through the swamp birds aviary. He LOVED it. We stayed in there extra long. I had to steal my mother-in-law's hat because I have a terrible track record of getting pooped on by birds, wild or caged, they seem to find me a target.

Shiloh and Grannie looking at the birds. You can see that he is captivated.

Here are the giraffes. The funny thing about the zoo was, besides the birds, I think Shiloh had more fun looking at the plaques in front of the cages with the picture of the animal, than actually looking at the animals themselves.

We were very close to the penguins. They would jump in the water and you would be splashed. If there wasn't any one watching that this didn't happen, you could have reached out and touched them. It was awesome.

This is Shiloh at the hotel. He was so content in this chair. He thought it was a blast just to climb up in it and lounge. It is the simple things I guess that make life great.

It was a blast to have Kenny's parents around, but it was sad to see them go since they live in Tucson and we only get to see them every once in while.

The New Addition To Our Family ( and I am not talking about a baby)

We are official country folk now. We got a small yard tractor.

Did you hear me? A TRACTOR.

Never in a million years, if you would have asked me when I was a teenager, would I have ever said that 10 years from now I will be living in Missouri, in the country, and be really excited about getting a tractor, but I am. It is used, and it is old, and it is loud, but it is VERY helpful. It has 48" mower deck, which is pretty much a necessity if you have about 2 acres of lawn. It has a tiller...great for the garden. It has a plow...also great for the garden. It has a snow plow. We, for obvious reasons have not used it yet, but it will be great for this winter.

Another perk? Shiloh is in LOVE, and I mean IN LOVE, with tractors. Even before we ever got one, he would walk around the house saying, "Truh-Terrrr, Truh-terrr" over and over again. He makes tractor noises. He thinks all trucks, cars, lawn mowers, hose reels that have wheels, strollers, motorcycles, ATV's, and the like are tractors. When we went to the tractor dealership, he was in heaven. He literally threw a tantrum and cried when we had to leave and drive away. He also points out the kitchen window to the barn(where our lawn tractor lives) at least 3 dozen times a day and says tractor. We take excursions daily to the barn, just to touch the tractor, or look at it.

The icing on the cake; taking a ride with daddy on the tractor. He pretty much thinks that if Kenny is home, then they should be riding the tractor together. Nevermind wasting gas, stopping to eat dinner, getting other things done, or going to bed. He wants to live on that thing, and may, or may not, have terrible temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Although,this obsession might be helpful later in life when he is old enough to ride it himself and actually mow the lawn for us.....

The downside? Now we have to actually do a bunch of the things we have been putting off because we didn't have the right equipment to do it :)

ps Did you notice how all of the pictures have Shiloh on the tractor with daddy? Yeah, so did I.

On babies and motherhood (and Pregnancy update for 31 weeks)

My ever expanding belly (and yes, my maternity shirts are almost too short already, and I still have 2 more months, what's a girl to do? I might be moving on to MooMoos)

I read a blog post today(Life of Bon...Great blog by the way).... It was about motherhood, and "how could you possibly know you were ready to have a kid?" This post was opened up for comments and advice at the end. It made me think....A LOT. As I wrote about motherhood, and how it was for the first time for me, I started to think about how blessed I was to be a mother.

Let's be honest.....

I have been feeling terrified lately at the prospect of having 2 children. Last night I said a prayer that I could feel at peace, come what may in the next few months.

This blog, as odd as it sounds, was the answer to my prayers. It gave me the opportunity to think about motherhood. It was really the ability to sit down and write about motherhood, and what it meant, that made all the difference this morning, and it made my heart so full of gratitude for the children that I am blessed with.

Well I am just going to paste my comment that I made. It expresses so much of what I feel about motherhood, and I actually am feeling more excited to meet this new little guy than I ever could have imagined.

I had my first when I was 26, which in mormonville, as you stated, is ancient ;) I know it has been said that you can never fully prepare yourself. You will never be ready to be completely selfless, but that is what motherhood teaches you. It teaches you to turn your focus from yourself to something much more wonderful than yourself (not that you aren't wonderful!)It is the HARDEST, BEST thing you will ever do. You will be taught to be Christ like. You will learn to love in a way you never could have imagined. Is a poopy diaper fun? No way! Is a baby crying at you fun? Absolutely not. But.....and there is a huge and resounding BUT in this instance, the reward of a child learning to kiss you on the lips and then doing it over and over again, just because they love you, or the sigh of a sleeping newborn on your chest, or knowing that you are this tiny little being's world, and you really are their favorite person, regardless of any and all imperfections you have, or a million other little things I could state, somehow makes it all worth it. It may rock your world, especially the first few months, but when you put it all in retrospect...you would never go back to before you had a child. Despite any and all difficulties, you don't want to give them back....because you love them with all your heart. This, the whole loving a new "stranger" with all your heart, comes with the territory and is a wonderful, wonderful blessing. There is just something about serving someone 24/7 that makes you love them more than you ever could know,and it makes them love you too. This child will be yours and your hubby's, and there is nothing more beautiful than that! ....

I have a testimony of what a magnificent calling motherhood is. I could write a whole essay about it, but that would just get long winded. I wouldn't trade it though, despite it being difficult and terrifying sometimes.)

On to the preggers update:

I am 31 weeks pregnant. Crazy. I had to look it up. I had lost count a couple weeks back. This last stretch just blends into itself.

I am always starving....then I am only able to fit 5 bites of anything in my stomach before I feel full.

This little guy moves around constantly.

I am always tried.

My hips ache.

But I have to admit, I feel pretty good in comparison to my previous pregnancy. I am much more active this time around (some by choice, some by force, considering the 1 year old running circles around me and my whole house)

I crave chocolate, pizza, gummi bears, and any form of beef. I could even eat them all in the same meal, and I would be one happy camper! Disgusting, I know! And yet, even writing about it is making my mouth water. That is how gross I am. I know it is gross, but it isn't enough to stop me from wanting all of them on the same table.

My sleep is hit or miss at best. Mostly, because I pee about 7 times a night and I get charlie horses in my bottom 2 to 3 times a night. But the best part about being up that many times... I know it seems weird that there could be a good part, but there is one. The best part is just feeling this little guy move around all over the place. It means he is doing great.

I haven't started getting any stretch marks yet, but I am sure they will come some time. My belly button is still in. Gotta love that.

All of maternity shirts are getting a bit short. Hopefully a few of them will last until I have him.

I also have been nesting like crazy, but not in the same way as last time. The nursery is already put together, Shiloh is in it. I seem to focus all of this attention on Shiloh, and things we need to do for him before the baby comes. I have also been looking up double strollers (if you have suggestions for this one, within a reasonable price range, please share.) and organizing baby clothes.

Not much time left in the grand scheme of things, but I am sure we will get everything done before he gets here!