Brother Tummy Time.

Shiloh hated tummy time as an infant. Eli LOVES it. It is the only position I can leave him in and have him be happy in for more than 5 minutes. These two pics are almost the same, but they are just so darn cute that I had to put both of them on.

Now that Shiloh is older, and has a buddy to do tummy time with, he also loves it.

We do have to make sure that he is supervised, but isn't this an adorable pic of my two boys?

Sometimes he even likes to do it all on his own.

Here is a video of the boys for your viewing pleasure. I know, I really need to put more videos on here. I will work on it.

There is nothing significant about this video other than it was taken at the same time as these pictures and that it is a true indication of both of their personalities. :)

Fleeting Smiles

I captured one of Eli's smiles on camera. They are fleeting, so they are hard to catch. I also am bad at taking pictures, as in they never turn out quite right, but I thought I would pass it a long anyway.

Staring at Daddy....

Almost there.....

And got it!

Such a handsome boy. He usually smiles bigger than that, but I couldn't get a pic.

The day I realized that I might not need any more kids. (a post meant to be taken in jest.)

Wow! What a great picture, huh? I am sure you are saying to yourself, "Now what in the world are you doing posting that picture?" I actually think it is hilarious.

The picture is actually the end of the story. Let me start from the beginning.

I am drowning in messes pretty much every minute of every day of my life currently. Most nights I go to bed thinking that I should have cleaned up more of the toys, and inevitably, I step on something in the middle of the night, reaffirming the previous thought.

You see, Shiloh is a miniature cyclone. He literally loves to spin in circles, and most of the time whilst spinning in circles, he is bumping into things and knocking things off of shelves. He is also figuratively a cyclone in which he tears things out boxes and drawers and shelves, not in a circular manner, by any stretch of the imagination, but the after math looks as though a cyclone had made its way through my living room

The other day, I went to a Mary Kay party. It was a lot of fun. Then someone asked me how many kids I had. I told them two. Then they asked this little diddy of a question, "How many more kids do you want?" I told them I wasn't sure, but that I might be okay with just two. (She was a Mormon... I have found that people of other faiths never ask that question when you have a 2 month old.)

After Mary Kay, I went grocery shopping. I had to pick a few things up, and one of the things I had to pick up was.... wait for it..... *gasp*.... sorry mom.... condoms.

Now here is where all of these stories come full circle. Shiloh is a cyclone who got into grocery bags, and, therefore, into the condom box. He brought me some. (Reference the first pic for visual) I thought that maybe this moment was an omen. My 18 month old was telling me something. The lady at the Mary Kay party was trying to get me to realize it too. The forces of the universe had combined at this moment to help me admit what I had already been thinking, but was too afraid to say out loud. They were telling me, that maybe, I might be okay with just having two kids(*).

You may say to yourself, "Lots of people have just 2 kids."

Well, I am Mormon, and it seems to me, that other Mormons tend to have a lot of kids, they also keep asking and asking you about when you are going to have the next and the next. They did it after Shiloh, and they have started doing it now after Eli. Well people, just look at my pics and ponder what you think the universe might be trying to tell me.....

*I have not decided officially, and I am subject to change my mind, but I wouldn't expect that change for at least another 4 years or so..... Just sayin' that I don't want a bunch of posts trying to convince me to have more kiddos. When it is your decision I will ask you about it :)

The New Normal

I got up at 3:30 this morning to feed Eli. He decided that he wouldn't go back down until 5:50. From hiccups to smiles to crying to just plain refusing to be put down, we just didn't make it back to bed for over 2 hours. I laid my head on the pillow. It felt like I blinked. Granted, it was really 20 minutes later, but it felt like a blink, and along comes mister Shiloh; bright eyed and bushy tailed, talking about "carsh" (cars) and berries and "nyoke"(milk). As he walked in, I tried to be pleasant. I also had a slew of questions and thoughts enter my head:

When am I ever going to get sleep again?

Did I shower last night or the night before?

Dang it! It's Monday. Kenny has to go to work.

I don't know if I can do this by myself today.

Did I wash the diapers last night?

What am I going to make for dinner?

Am I going to have time for dinner?

When is my life going to go back to normal again?

The train of of thoughts stopped dead in their tracks at this last inquiry as I realized the answer. The answer made me shiver a bit. (If you are wondering the answer to that question....it is never.) I know that all of you are thinking, "Come on now, Brittani! You just had another baby and you have an 18 month old, didn't you realize that your life was going to be permanently altered?" To some this may have seemed obvious, but to me I was hanging on to that shred of hope that maybe my life would go back to some resemblance of the life I had prior. This morning, though, I came to the realization that it won't. It will be forever different. These realizations crashed around my somewhat fragile psyche.

This is the new normal for me. I know that eventually Eli will sleep through the night, that his colic will go away, that Shiloh will start understand more of what I am saying, that Shiloh will get used to having to share the spotlight, but that all happens after some time. And these things won't all happen all at one, but little by little. Yet again, I reiterate, this is the new normal.

I know that some of you are thinking, "What? You got on here to complain again?!?!"

Well, not necessarily. It seems that I can move on with my life now. I think that maybe holding onto that hope of things returning to how they were was holding me back from picking up some of the pieces and moving on to make a beautiful new life. One that includes Eli. One that includes new adventures, and, for sure, a lot more tears. I mean, it is not all rainbows and butterflies right now. Things are still hard, but something about waking up this morning and knowing that this is what life is for me right now, and knowing that I have to live in the moment and learn to thrive in chaos and trial, and that this is the new normal makes it a little bit easier to look forward.

Looking forward most definitely makes moving forward easier than looking back. Not rocket science, but for some reason it is always hard for me to remember.

Where as yesterday=FAIL, today=SUCCESS

Going places with 2 kids is a task, and enormous task.

We had a doctors appt. yesterday, in the evening. We were just going to have both of the kiddos get their well-child check ups.

Kenny had a catering get moved to the evening yesterday... that meant that I was going to Columbia by myself.

This was to be my first outing with both kids By. My. Self.

I tried to amp myself up for this. "I can do this" I would repeat to myself. "Eli is going to sleep and be content in the car."

YESTERDAY:

We get into the car. Shiloh starts whining. It is grating my nerves. Eli starts whining. I hit construction. I am running late now. Eli is screaming. I pull up to the doctor's "office". It is an old house with wooden stairs. I get the diaper bag out of the car and half of its contents fall on the ground. I grab the stuff and put it into the bag. I grab the carseat with screaming babe inside. I unbuckle the grumpy 1 year old and hold on to his hand. I drag him across the parking lot as I hoisted everything with me. Next come the stairs. Trying to quickly get all of my stuff and a one year old up a narrow wooden stairways quickly is nigh unto impossible.

We get into the office. Eli is hungry. Shiloh makes a mess with all of the toys. They both poop. Eli keeps fussing and spitting up. We leave. The office was still a mess and I was embarrassed, but my hands were full. The dragging back to the car was much like the dragging to the office.

Eli is all ramped up. He won't calm down. He won't take the binky. Shiloh is yelling over him, "cying! Cying! Car! Beebee! Cying! Wahhhhhh Wahh!" Imitating the timbre of Eli's cry exactly and then repeating the phrases over again. I pull over. Try to get Eli to take the binky. No dice. We drive for 20 minutes. Eli is losing his voice from screaming so much. I pull off of the highway onto a dirt road. Take him out of the carseat. I bounce him up and down. Meanwhile, Shiloh is now screaming in the car saying "OUT! OUT! OUT! " Eli calms down. He falls asleep. We continue to drive in silence for 10 minutes. About 5 minutes before we get home, Eli starts it all again. and so does Shiloh.

I get home and get the stuff out of the car. Shiloh starts playing. Eli starts nursing. I start bawling.

TODAY:

I get in the car to go to a friends house in Fulton. I load everything in the car. Shiloh sings and talks to himself and drinks his milk. Eli falls asleep. We arrive 45 minutes later. Eli stays asleep for 3 hours. Shiloh plays. We eat lunch. Shiloh plays. Eli nurses. Eli smiles. Shiloh gets sleepy. We get in the car. Eli falls asleep. Shiloh falls asleep. I listen to a book on tape. I get home. Shiloh stays asleep and is now in his bed. Eli stays asleep and is still in the car seat. I blog and feel more empowered than drained.

I am not sure the difference between today and yesterday, but I sure as heck know that I would much rather have outings go like today.....

Hospitals and Grannie and the Fourth of July and Cute kiddos (this is nothing short of a novel in length...sorry)

Well this is sort of an all encompassing sort of post. I am way behind, way way WAY behind. I had all sorts of cute posts planned for some of these pictures, but then life happened. I am not talking about the sort of life that happens when you have 2 kids and you are trying to adjust (which, by the way, is way harder than I could have ever imagined it would be, and I was imagining that it would be pretty rough. I wasn't imagining rainbows, people! I was imagining storm clouds, but instead got a hurricane I think.), but the kind that happens when your 4 week old gets sick with RSV in the middle of June and you end up in the Children's hospital for 6 days. So instead of a lot of little cute posts a long the way, I am opting for the "one really really, super long post" with a smattering of pictures.

That's right! Eli got RSV, which I wasn't even aware was an issue in June, but the poor kid caught it and it was sad, and terrifying!

Now the story of how he ended up in the Children's hospital in Columbia.

Well Eli was acting really sick. He kept having a hard time catching his breath. We took him to the urgent care on the last Monday in June. The doctor there was a complete putz and told us that there was nothing wrong with him and sent us home. I was still worried sick about him. He had to be sleeping on chests with us in an upright position for him to be able to breathe, and we had to pat his back for him to be able to breathe. He also had started to puke up everything he was eating and that night he just stopped eating altogether. This kid is an eater too, so it was really worrisome for him not to be nursing at all. The next day I decided to take him to a pediatrician. The nurse practitioner was the only person available, but I just felt like he really needed to be seen, especially since he wouldn't eat anything still. So we went in. We weren't expecting anything long, just a visit to the doc, so we brought Shiloh. The nurse practitioner didn't seem to feel comfortable diagnosing Eli. She went and talked to the pediatrician. The pediatrician then started running tests on his stomach. We did ultrasounds and blood work. They didn't find anything. Eli still wasn't eating and pulse ox was really low. So she was worried. She decided to try and feed Eli a bit of formula to see if she could get him to drink anything before we left. This is when all Hell broke loose.

Eli drank maybe a quarter of an ounce, and then he vomited, then he proceeded to turn blue and stop breathing altogether, and went completely limp. She starts yelling for nurses to bring oxygen an the crash cart. She is patting his back and blowing in his face trying to get him to breath. They had to put a bag on him and start pumping it to breath for him and start blowing oxygen in his face. They are clearing out his nose and throat of the mucus that is stuck there.

They get him to start breathing after about 30 seconds. Meanwhile, I am a complete and utter wreck. I had to walk out of the room. I collapsed on the floor and immediately start praying, half out loud. They get him stable. They call an ambulance and then we wait for them to get there. They tried to get an IV going. He was too dehydrated. They blew several of his veins, poor guy.

I ride in the ambulance with him to the hospital in Columbia. Worst. Ride. Ever. One that I do not intend on ever having to take again. We were admitted into the pediatric ICU.

Meanwhile, my great friend Kaci takes Shiloh for the night and I don't have to worry about him.

Eli makes great strides, but he was being fed through a tube down his throat to try and get him hydrated enough for an IV. Once they finally get an IV in him, 24 hours later, we were moved out of ICU. Let me tell you people that pediatric ICU is also a place I never plan to visit again. The people are nice, but poor Eli was hooked up to so many cords, it made it hard to hold him, and he just looked so miserable. I was glad that he was "upgraded".

One blessing in this disaster of a week was that Wednesday night, the night after being admitted into the hospital, Kenny's mom was already scheduled to fly into town. What a blessing!!!!! The other blessing is that there was a hotel across the street, so Kenny and his mom and Shiloh had a place to sleep and hang out for the next 5 days. Otherwise there would have been an hour and a half round trip excursion everyday, maybe a couple of times a day for Kenny. (Thanks Dad for putting them up in the hotel!)

Well we lived through it. Eli is still congested, but doing much better. I will post pics of Eli in the hospital later... I didn't bring my camera, and so Kenny's mom is going to get them to me. This is an experience I will never forget, and one that I never ever want to repeat.

We were home in time for the fourth of July and Kenny's mom was still here, so we decided to head out for a couple of hours and enjoy the festivities in Jeff City. Well it was HOT and HUMID! Like 105 degrees and like 60% humidity. We walked for a bit, but mostly just ate nasty, greasy, yummy carnival food in the shade and sipped on pure sugar shaved ice.

Here are some pics of Grannie and the boys

In the heat we have been spending some time outside lately running through the sprinklers and putting Shiloh in the pool. Shiloh seems to only enjoy the sprinklers if he can be completely soaking either Kenny or I, which I don't mind really. It is quite fun and funny to watch.

Shiloh is quite the sleeper. We often check on him before we go to bed, not to see if he is ok, but to see what positions he has gotten himself into. They are always, to say the least, interesting.

Shiloh is quite the ham, especially when he eats, but all of the time. His little personality is blossoming and he is such a sweet and funny little character. He is also into EVERYTHING! I thought he was into everything before, but now he really is, and I am sure I will say that again. The other day he asked for a piece of bread. I go to the cupboard, take the bread down and cut a slice. I was not procrastinating or taking my sweet time. I was being quick. I turn around he is gone. I yell his name. I hear water running. I found him in the bathroom in my tub with it plugged and the cold water running. He looks up at me and says, "wah-der?" Wow!!! Stellar parent of the year award goes to me. Also, when I was nursing Eli, he ran away and wouldn't come back into the room. When I was done I came into the kitchen to find a whole entire toilet paper roll spread from the bathroom to the front room. Moral of these two stories: Close the bath room door. One day I will be able to pay more attention to him, poor kid.

Another thing I failed to blog about was Shiloh's Father's day present. It is a paper weight and he put the rock in all by himself. He was sooo proud to give it to daddy. It was adorable.

Here are a few pics of Eli and how he is changing. He cries a lot, so we try to take pics when he is happy, which is rare, but there are a few. Plus, the two brothers together. A noteworthy something is, that Eli cracked his first smile last week (5 weeks and 1 day old). It is amazing such a sad little guy would smile so early on. but we will take. Warms the heart really.

Well, if you got to the end of this, consider it an accomplishment. I wish I had been able to do the cute little individual posts as I had planned, but I do feel better that I at least got it done.